Keeping Time
by grammarslash
Summary: Bobby sings. St. Dane joins in. Insanity insues. It started off crackfic but then it got kind of dark...sorry. The pairing is BobbyDane which tells you just how absurd it is. SLASH. Follow the link inside for the hardcore...stuff.


**Title:** Keeping Time

**Fandom:** Pendragon

**Author:** Samigh (**ricepresident**)

**Pairing:** Bobby/Saint Dane. That just tells you how much of a crackfic this is or at least started out as.

**Rating:** It will be hardcore if you follow the link...If not then it just implies...M then. Rated M.

**Word count: **

With the deed intact: 2, 221

Without (though I'm not too sure what this is without): 1, 390

**Summary: **Ticking sounds are heard. Bobby sings. Dane joins in. Crack and smut insues.

**Disclaimer:** NOT MINE! D. J. MacHale would probably shoot me if he ever read this. SO NO. THIS HAS NEVER ACTUALLY HAPPENED AND MOST LIKELY NEVER WILL. If it does I'll...I dunno what I'll do. Tell me then. And I don't own the Sound of Music.

**Author's Notes:** This was inspired by my very wobbly desk in English class... It was supposed to be crack but then it got darkish. Oops. LIKE I SAID IT GETS KIND OF DARK.

Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. The countdown had begun. Saint Dane closed the drawer with a smirk. Being obvious tended to have its perks. He locked the drawer with his super-awesome-drawer-closing powers (he had the key) and walked away. The villain felt very upbeat about his plan and decided to celebrate.

He whistled.

As he walked unhurriedly through the halls, his cheerfully tuneless whistling filled the empty air with song, wonderfully disturbed song. 'It is not as though I can be good at everything,' he thought wistfully. Another sound, this one with more tune with it, caused him to pause his whistling. The melody drifted to Saint Dane's and he strained to hear the lyrics.

"I am sixteen going on seventeen, I know that I'm naïve," a voice sang. Saint Dane peered through the window discreetly to see who was singing. "Fellows I meet and willingly I'll believe," it continued in a sweet tenor.

Seated upon a teacher's desk at the front of the classroom, eyes closed and feet swinging, was Dane's rival, Bobby Pendragon. He looked slightly effeminate in the early morning light. Under normal circumstances his appearance would cause girls to turn away in disgust. Unfortunately, Dane was no more female than he was disgusted by Bobby's pretty ways.

"Totally unprepared am I to face a world of men. Timid and shy and scared am I of things beyond my can."

Dane was too entranced by the way Bobby's hair fell across his eyes to bother questioning the rhyming of the song. He slipped out the door as Bobby's opened his eyes to casually inspect the desk before singing once again.

"I need someone older and wiser to tell me what to do. I am sixteen going on seventeen, I'll depend on you. I'll depend on you," he finished, hopping off the desk causing it wobble slightly from the change in weight.

Saint Dane stood outside the door and paused for a moment to consider Bobby's age. When he decided that he was of age for seduction, Dance proceeded to continue singing the tune in his charmingly tone-deaf manner, "You are sixteen going on seventeen, baby, it's time to think. Better be weary, cunning and careful, baby, you're on the brink."

Bobby poked his head out the door at the enchanting sound. At the sight of his arch-nemesis leaning against the wall trying to sing a song from a musical, Bobby found himself immobilized for several moments before bursting into a fit of giggles. Dane looked over at him and rolled his eyes. "I thought that you weren't supposed to be so girly being who you are."

"Ouch," Bobby feigned hurt. "That was low, even for a creep like you."

"Don't call me a creep," Dane pouted. "It hurts my feelings."

Bobby dotdotdotted with a blank stare. "I'm…sorry?" he tried. "I'm not going to forgive you so easily," Dane said, sticking out his lower lip even further, so far, in fact, that it appeared to by defying his facial structure and certain laws of physics. Not that it mattered to him of course. He was Saint-fucking-Dane in case anyone was unsure.

Bobby reflected on this comment for a moment before Dane questioned him.

"What are you doing here anyway?"

"I could ask you the same thing!" Bobby shot back.

Dane paused to give Bobby a moment before replying. "Do you honestly believe that I'll respond to your tactics?" He sighed. "I happen to realize that I have a spy under my employ."

Bobby tried to digest this information before getting back on topic. "Hey! Why should I care how you feel anyway? You hate me, I hate you, I don't need your forgiveness!"

Saint Dane narrowed his eyes once again, beginning to appear as though he suffered from a squinting problem. Bobby commented on this fact:

"You have a squinting problem," he stated plainly.

"That's alright, keep insulting me," Dane said while walking out the door.

The younger man stared after him blankly for a minute before following him out the door and planting himself firmly in the other's path. "You have a knack for aggravating others, young Bobby," Dane said, examining his nails for cheese residue. "Luckily for you though, I must be off. Don't want to be caught in any nasty explosions and what not." Dane paused for a moment to allow the news to sink in. "Oh, did I forget to tell you? I left a nice little 'device' in the school. Slightly alarming you may say." Dane continued to smirk at Bobby's furious expression. "I _could_ tell you where it is, but with your hero complex I am not entirely certain that you will believe me. Shall I leave you to find it?"

Bobby P.O.V…

Bobby thought the situation through. The school was large with three floors. There were nearly eleven classrooms on the first floor but that didn't consider their size and the rooms that were not used for teaching. Then there were the portables, the offices, the cafeteria, the foyer… Bobby's head spun from contemplating all of the space. Who the _hell_ needed to build a school of this size? If they had rid the system of those damned immersion students then the school wouldn't have needed to be so large. Stupid frenchies. That's what it all came down to. Why hadn't they stuck with grunting and groaning? He glanced at a clock. Teachers and students would arrive soon and the chances were that Dane had set the bomb for when the school would be filled.

"Gnyahh," Bobby stated empathetically. "Fine. What do I have to do?" "Do?" Dane asked, raising his eyebrows as though in shock. "You don't have to 'do' anything! I was just warning you of your impending doom, that is all." Bobby glowered until Saint Dane smirked. "Fine. If you want to stop this 'bomb', then you must do something for me." Dane shoved Bobby up against the nearby wall. He pinned the younger man's arms above his head, roughly letting the knuckles scratch against the brick. "If you do a little 'something' with me then I'll let a little something loose for you. That is the exchange," Dane said simply before bending his neck to nibble lightly on Bobby's neck. Bobby's eyes closed and his breath caught in his throat as he tried to respond. "But," Bobby licked his lips, "won't time run out? For the, err, bomb?" Dane continued to smile. "So you have no qualms with 'doing the deed' as it were?" Dane chuckled. "My abilities as a Traveler far surpass yours. Halting time is no longer beyond my power." Dane stopped his nibbling to look his adversary in the eye. Bobby opened his eyes with minimal fluttering. "Do you swear to tell me after this?" he asked as solemnly as he could with his cheeks slightly flushed. Dane nodded once, replying with a, "yes." "I'll hold you to that then," Bobby said as forcefully as he could while being held against the wall. "But I won't enjoy it." Dane grinned widely.

"We'll see."

For the smut: http:// ricepresident. /13780 .html #cutid3 (minus the spaces)

Bobby turned his head and saw the clock out of the corner of his eye. He squinted and forced himself to focus. The time had changed.

"You, you lied to me?" Bobby asked, slightly confused. He was a villain but surely he couldn't be so…evil? Dane laughed breathlessly. "What can I say?" He grunted and stood, doing up his pants when he was able. "Here," he said, throwing Bobby a key which he fumbled to catch. "Room 107," he said as he walked away. Bobby didn't move for a moment after Dane left but he soon heaved himself off the desk and pulled his clothes on hurriedly.

He ran over to room 107 and saw the teacher's desk. '_Of course_,' he thought, walking up to it. He reached it and saw the one locked drawer. He inserted the key and twisted it with shaking hands, finally opening it and drawing out a…clock? There appeared to be a note attached to it.

_ Thanks, that was fun. – Dane_

Bobby stared at the note in wonder before the alarm clock in his hands went off loudly. Bobby threw it away from him, against the wall, causing it to shatter. He recovered his breath and made his way over to it. It was…just a normal clock.


End file.
